Remember to Forget
by pourquoibella
Summary: Love is a beautiful thing, but when it's taken away, how does one cope? That all depends on who that person is deep down, among other things. Setsuna plans to do whatever is in her power to get back to her soul mate. A story of love, hope, and merciless tragedy. This is a HisokaxOC fic inspired by Remember to Forget by Otep.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hunter x Hunter or make any money off this story. I also do not own Otep's song, which is where I got the title and inspiration.

**AN:** This is pretty dark and rated for its mature content. The beginning scene was cut to fit FF's rules (by about 300 words), so if you care to read it in its entirety, check out the link on my profile and see the NC-17 version on Mibba. Please review! This is my first one-shot ;D

* * *

Rolling droplets of cooling liquid slid down her smooth skin, leaving hot trails of moisture. She squeezed the remaining water from her hair with a twist and pivoted on her heel to reach for her towel. Letting out a surprised squeak, her eyes met pale skin clasped around her wrist. Her gaze traveled along the exposed flesh and landed on pink lips curved in a smirk before she was smashed into the cold tile of the shower. A drop of blood escaped the corner of her mouth as her nude form was pressed further, mercilessly into the wall.

"Setsuna…"

His breath swept over the nape of her neck and sent chills down her body. His hands found their place ensnarled in her hair and grasping her hip tightly. She let out a nearly inaudible gasp as she was pulled from the icy barrier and back into a warm body.

"Hisoka…"

He pulled back and swept her off her feet. Plush covers caressed her skin once he tossed her down. The cold air hit her body and made her shiver. She arched her back, exposing her throat to him. He attended to the gesture and left several sore love nips along the curve of her neck and shoulder. She entwined her fingers in his hair and pulled him back to the spot, demanding more attention.

"Don't stop…"

Hisoka leaned back against the headboard and pulled her onto his lap, disregarding the increase in heat between them. He held her to his chest as their breathing calmed down. She absentmindedly traced nonsensical patterns onto the skin of his arm until she lifted it. He looked at her in question.

"I have to pee."

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully and he grinned, watching her bare body walk away. He picked himself up off the floor and threw the sheet back where it belonged, but paused when a shadow caught his eye. In the bathroom, Setsuna looked at herself in the mirror while she washed her hands. She eyed her hair analytically – especially the ends. It was naturally a rich, dark shade of black and pin straight, but from their activities, it was now wavy and slightly snarled. Beyond that, the ends were the same color as her eyes, pastel blue. It had been an addition that Hisoka did to her while she was slightly intoxicated, but she didn't hate it. She went to grab her hair brush off the counter and accidentally bumped a pill container. A movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention before her forehead connected with the mirror, making it splinter out in a web of cracks and drawing blood.

* * *

Setsuna's breath hitched in her throat when she awakened and tried to move. Her wrists were shackled with manacles, the skin protesting with each movement she made. She realized the futility quickly and brought her attention over to a door that creaked eerily. Her eyes narrowed.

"You're finally awake!" A man, a few inches under six foot and rotund in figure, spoke loudly.

He approached Setsuna calmly and looked down at her. She could see the carnal reflection he presented when his eyes returned to hers. She scowled at him.

"Where am I and what do you want?"

"Well now, I think we should start with introductions. My name is Keitarou Yamaguchi. My men have been watching you and your _lover_ very closely." Her heart skipped a beat. "It seems that you've been the victim of proximity in this case, but I've found use for you yet. Hisoka and I are not unfamiliar with each other, but lately, it seems, he's been rather… off course, shall we say? Regardless, I need his attention focused on the jobs he is supposed to be doing. Just last week, he messed up in a very noticeable way. He left a survivor."

Keitarou broke the cigar in his hand with the rage that slipped. It was obvious how mad he was and Setsuna could feel the tension in the air.

'_If he wants Hisoka to focus, that means he thinks I'm to blame. I doubt I'd affect his work though. We've been together for quite some time. What is he planning to do?'_

"So, you may be asking yourself why I've left you alive rather than just killing you and being done with it. Think of it this way. If I was to leave your dead body for him to find, he would probably be even more distracted by revenge and all that inane hogwash. Likewise, if you were to just disappear, he would go out of his way to find you. Since both of those would detract from his focus, I've come up with a third option.

"You see, I am a very merciful man. I don't necessarily believe in killing mindlessly and, technically, you've done nothing to me directly. Rather than slaughter and waste talent, I want to use your abilities for my benefit."

"What about Hisoka? Won't he just get suspicious of my absence?"

A cruel smile crawled over his face.

"That's the beauty of having friends in the right places. Hisoka can't miss what he doesn't remember, can he?"

Setsuna's façade slipped as she realized what he planned to do.

"You wouldn't."

Laughter, malicious and superior, erupted from Keitarou.

"Oh, but I already have."

Setsuna's anger rose steadily and she began to concentrate her nen heatedly. Electricity bolted through her body from the shackles around her wrists. She screamed at the unexpected feedback and panted heavily. Her muscles felt very weakened and so did her heart. A bead of sweat dripped down the side of her face as she glared up at Keitarou.

"Ah ah." He waggled his finger back and forth.

"You won't stop me." Setsuna said. "I'll find a way. You can bet your ass on it."

He contemplated her words for a moment before reaching his hand down to clasp it roughly around her neck. She gagged for a moment and felt the strain in her muscles. She brought her legs up to kick her attacker. He took the blow to his chin and narrowed his eyes are her. His grip loosened up, but his hand remained around her neck.

"How about that?" He asked.

"What?" She tried to ask, but no words came out.

Her eyes widened in terror and she mouthed more words that never left her lips. She looked at him in panic.

"Cat got your tongue, princess?"

She wanted to growl. She wanted to hurt him and make him regret his actions. She could only think of one way to hurt him then, though. She concentrated on summoning her nen again and the electricity flowed through her as a conduit to his body. He released her as quickly as he could, but definitely looked worse for wear.

"Seems like we're going to have to break you in."

'_Bastard, you're going to regret this.'_

* * *

Setsuna sat quietly on the outskirts of a group gathered around a fire. So much had transpired in the last two months. She stared longingly up at the moon and wished she could be as free as it was. She was a scorned woman left to do the bidding of a man she hated. She didn't even want to consider him human. He was a monster, a bug, something that needed to be exterminated. She gripped the hilt of her knife harshly.

She had been thrown in a group of mercenaries sworn to do Mr. Yamaguchi's bidding. She had been cornered into going along with it. He made the stipulations very clear. If she were to try to contact Hisoka, he would be killed and so would she. If she continued doing as he asked, then Hisoka would be able to live his life in ignorant bliss, never knowing what he missed.

She wanted to be in his embrace and feel his body connected with hers again. She missed the talks they used to have about nothing and everything and how they would be able to enjoy complete silence or total chaos together. She wondered what it would be like to be oblivious and she couldn't help herself from developing a slight jealousy over Hisoka's position. He had no idea what had happened and was, essentially, better off for it. She rubbed her stomach gently and looked back at the food cooking on the fire.

The group she was with was particularly bad, per se, but she felt like she was immersed in a totally different culture. She had grown up on her own and rarely was around other people. She knew how to act and blend in, but she preferred solitude. The mercenaries she was eyeing distastefully were really rude and often did their best to make her feel awkward – whether it was picking on her short height or her now nearly bald head. When she had been _inducted_ into the group, Keitarou demanded she shaved her head, taking away any possible connection to Hisoka that he could. How he had even known he had done that was beyond her.

There are countless times, even in the wild, where it only takes time for someone to be accepted in a group, but that was not the case here. She had to constantly be on her toes and watch her back. She was given assignments from their _boss_ fairly frequently and he had even asked her to do a few things that the others would have much rather done. It only served to alienate her further. She flexed her burned left hand in memory of how they had decided to congratulate her. When she realized who had done it, she paid him back in kind, but that only increased the strain of their symbiosis.

She felt like she had lost herself. Who was she now? She had to dirty her hands with the blood of the innocent to get by – something she had never done before. She had been brought up to defend herself, but never did more than she needed. Murdering because she was ordered to was burning into her soul like a heated parasite, gnawing away at her conscience. She had even briefly considered suicide to solve her problems, but when she had been sitting there, razor-sharp blade coated in neurotoxic snake venom aimed over her stomach, she stopped herself and began to develop a new resolve.

How would Hisoka have looked at her, had he known what she was doing? He would've called her a dumbass and a coward, which was precisely what she was for considering that option. She needed to get through this and search for him, but what could she do? She had to figure out something and find him. How dare she sit still and take this punishment. She was mute, but not an invalid. With that, she had started a plan. All she had to do was get Yamaguchi alone and make him vulnerable.

Mind focused, she ran through the scenarios she could try. His room was guarded by two men at all times, so she needed to be able to get past them. With her esteem slightly shaken, she wasn't so sure she could take them both on. This meant they needed to _let_ her in on their own. How on Earth could she manage that?

She sighed and let her body flop backwards into the sand, creating tiny plumes of dust in the wind. Her gaze eyed the moon again. It looked so illuminated and beautiful, even though she could see its scars and craters. She recalled a tale her mother used to tell her when she was younger.

Mayari, the goddess of the moon, had to dress herself up in disguise to fool her enemies. She had lost her eye in a battle with her brother and would often feign normalcy to blend in. She became someone she was not, so she could fool those around her – a wolf in sheep's clothing. This was the answer to Setsuna's problems.

* * *

From that day on, she worked to pull strings as she could to get herself into his room. She would need to sacrifice her pride to do so, but it was necessary. Only a few weeks later, she sat with him over a light dinner. She patted her lips with her napkin and placed her hands on her lap, smiling over at her boss.

"You know, it surprisingly nice to dine with you, Setsuna. You're the way a woman should be, quiet!"

He laughed out loud at his _joke_. She didn't let her smile waver, taking the insult in stride. She just had to hold out a few hours longer. A few hours longer and she would be able to have what she wanted. She could take what she was owed without the strain of reality and go forward with her life. She would take things into her own hands.

The texture of skin, oily and slick with sweat, felt like power surging from her soul and into her extremities. The monster inside her grinned maliciously as her grip tightened drastically, making his face pale. His eyes rolled back and she felt no pulse, so she got off of him and stood. Back turned, she could faintly hear the sound of coughing, but only turned when she was at the window. Pistol brandished, he glared at Setsuna.

"You bitch!"

Before he could fire, her knife was stuck in his wrist, making him drop the gun. He cried out in pain and she picked up the weapon he dropped. The guards banged at the locked door, yelling chaotically. She pulled Keitarou's silver butane lighter from her pocket and threw it towards the man. Time seemed to stand still as she took aim. The bullet hit dead on and exploded in front of Yamaguchi. He screamed as his body caught fire. Setsuna escaped out the window as the guards broke down the doors.

Heels gone, she landed easily in the bushes below. She ran as fast as her lithe body would take her and hopped the fence of the property. She was miles away by sunrise and slept beneath a tree.

* * *

He would serve as a reminder for anyone who tried to tame her. She may be mute, but she was not defenseless. Now, all she needed to do was find the one man she wanted to see. She would find him and another person who could help her to get back his memory. It was merely a case of restoring what he'd lost and she was sure she could find someone with that capability.

Her knuckles rapped gently on a wooden door. It opened to reveal a meek looking man, taller than her by a few inches. He peered around her, making sure she was alone before she was allowed in. Setsuna shook hands with the mental nen user, Mitsuo. Their discussion was brief, succinct, and mainly written.

* * *

Later that night, she sat down around her fire with a map. Based off a few tips, some of them rumors, she had marked up a path that reviewed his whereabouts.

If she went a little further south, then she would be able to intersect him. All she needed to do was convince him to go with her. She wasn't sure how he would have changed, but had confidence. To him, she would be a completely unknown person – a perfect stranger. Wouldn't it be easier for him to trust a total unfamiliar rather than someone he thought may have betrayed him? Maybe her logic was screwed up, but she could only try. She had been working hard the last few weeks to accomplish her goal and she'd be damned if anyone thought she'd fail.

* * *

Her mind was on high alert as she closed the book in her hands softly and stood from the park bench. A flash of white cloth caught her attention and she forgot about the paperback she was _reading_. Heads of citizens bobbed around her in erratic patterns as she kept her eyes trained on the bright colored hair and snowy outfit. She turned left, following him closer and stopped in her tracks when she realized she was alone. She crept along the backstreet slowly, to see if he had gone around the corner, but saw nothing. A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she began to turn around.

As she did so, a line of pain ran along her neck. Her hands scrambled to hold onto her throat as the red liquid began to gush out quickly. Her back hit the wall next to an ace of hearts lodged in the brick. She slid down and stared up at the man she had been trying to find all this time. Her eyes watered with regrets she couldn't express. In the time she had, she realized that maybe this was for the best. Perhaps she had been selfish to want to return him to what he was. How did she know he wasn't happier like he was now? Maybe, in the end, Keitarou had been right. He certainly couldn't miss what he didn't know was gone. She stared up at her attacker, her lover, he lost counterpart, but her body felt cold and began to numb as the life drained from her. Her eyelids became too heavy to keep open and her hands loosened their grip, falling beside her.

Hisoka stared down at the target he had been sent after for a few moments then bent down to make sure she was dead. He didn't particularly want to touch her, since she was so _messy_, so he listened closely instead. He leveled his head with her chest and heard nothing… _wait_. There was a sound, but it didn't seem like it was upwards. He lowered his head to her stomach and heard a faint heartbeat there. He shrugged it off, stood, and opened his cell phone.

"Yeah, Kyo. It's done."

"_Good. You'll receive payment in the typical way. When are you leaving?"_

"Tomorrow sometime. I'm told the exams begin soon, so I'll be unavailable for a while."

"_Fine. I expect a call when you're back."_

"Sure, sure, Mr. Yamaguchi."

He closed his phone and calmly walked out of the alley.

* * *

**AN:** So, how did you like that? I suggest reading **Remember to Forget** by **Otep** and if you're interested in where I drew what from where, then I'd be happy to show you. Please review and let me know how you're feeling, even if it's pissed off or if you have questions! Thanks!


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